Support Groups for Suicide Loss

A handbook for people thinking of starting a support group for suicide loss in their communities.

This site has been developed for support groups for suicide loss with input from people across New Zealand who are currently running peer support groups.

A support group does not remove grief and loss but provides an opportunity to share the journey with people who have been through something similar.

There is no one way to run a support group for suicide loss. Groups might look quite different, depending on where they are located and who the members are.

Some groups might be designed for particular people, like Māori, Pasifika, LGBTI people, the Defence Forces or people from a particular faith background. Some groups go on running for years, while others come and go as they are needed.

Managing group dynamics in a support group for suicide loss

Facilitating a support group for suicide loss

Setting up a support group for suicide loss

Facilitating and running a group

A facilitator provides the discussion framework – or ensures that a meeting structure is in place – which opens the way to group discussion.

A facilitator is a group leader, someone who runs a meeting and helps a group to meet its objectives. A facilitator may be a group member who volunteers to take on the role, or they may also be someone who is invited to take on the role, for example someone with a suitable professional background (such as a counsellor or social worker).

This person may or may not be suicide bereaved. It is better for a group to have two or more facilitators, so they can support each other.

Setting meeting times

Set a meeting schedule
Decide how often the group will meet. Many groups meet once a month, some every fortnight. Pick a regular time to meet – for example, the first Saturday of each month or every second Wednesday evening.

Decide on length of meetings
Meetings of one and a half to two and a half hours work well. If meetings are longer, they can be emotionally draining for participants. Use the first 15 minutes to allow people to arrive, greet one another and settle in. This is also an ideal time to introduce and welcome new people informally.

If meetings are one and half hours long, the meeting itself can run for an hour, then end with time to socialise with refreshments (tea, coffee, biscuits). For two and a half hour meetings, have a break with refreshments halfway through.

When deciding how long to meet, keep in mind the size of your group. If it is a bigger group, two and a half hours will be necessary to enable everyone time to speak and be heard. In a small group, an hour may be long enough.

Establishing group guidelines

A group facilitator's role includes making sure everyone in the group is looked after, including themselves. An important principle to keep in mind is, 'first, do no harm'. People bereaved by suicide are coping with loss and grief and are themselves more vulnerable to suicide risk.

If you are facilitating a group, you need to:

Look after yourself. If you or other group facilitators are bereaved by suicide, make sure you have worked on your own loss so that you can offer support to others.
Know what to do if a group member needs more support. Be aware of what services are available in your area and how to refer people if they need extra help.
Set clear expectations about behaviour in the group. Make sure group members are looking after each other and respecting each other.

Guidelines help to create a sense of safety and boundaries for group members, and help to define expected behaviour.

Knowing that the group has agreed on guidelines will help members feel safe to share. As part of organising a group, you will need to establish and communicate the group's guidelines. The group committee or facilitators may develop them, or you may hold an open discussion with group members to agree guidelines.

Guidelines should include clear agreements about respecting privacy and confidentiality. This includes not talking about who is in the group, or the content of discussions, outside of group meetings. An exception to this is when there is danger or threat to life.

Group leaders need procedures to deal with risks and this might include breaking confidentiality. For examples of group guidelines see pages 52–53 of the handbook.

Providing support outside meetings

Decide what support you will provide outside of meetings. For example, groups may provide a newsletter, Facebook page, telephone support, resources to hand out or a lending library.

Compile help information. For additional support, download and print our free Helplines Brochure PDF which contains helplines and local services available around New Zealand, including a blank page at the end for people to personally fill in any local helplines or personal support details that they might need.

Promoting the group

You may already know people bereaved by suicide who are interested in joining your group and you could promote the group through word of mouth in your community. You could also set up a Facebook page or website to provide more information about the purpose of the group.

You may choose to advertise your group so that people who are suicide bereaved in your community can find you. Places to advertise include local papers, community notice boards, radio and social media. Both the Mental Health Foundation and Skylight have listings of support groups.

If you have set up a support group and would like it added to our list, please email Virginia.brooks@mental.health.org.nz

Running a meeting

How you decide to structure meetings might be influenced by the length of the meeting, cultural processes, like whakawhanaungatanga, and how well group members know each other.

Many support group meetings follow a three-part format: welcome, sharing and socialising.

Welcome
This is an informal time for people to arrive, welcome new members into the group and get the room ready for the meeting.

Formal sharing time
This is the main part of the meeting, which may include:

an opening – such as a blessing or a poem to open the meeting
introduction of new members, outline the purpose of the meeting and discuss group guidelines
discussion time – a chance for any members who would like to share their story to talk or discuss a particular topic
closing – Summarising the key points of the meeting, finishing with a blessing or prayer.

Socialising

Wind-down time after the formal part of the meeting provides a space for members to engage in a more informal way.

Potential topics to share
While discussion is usually guided by group members' interests and needs, it can be useful to have a list of topics to share. Sometimes introducing a topic can start discussion and give regular members an opportunity to show the way for newer members.

Ready to facilitate – skills

Congratulations on having the courage to take on this valuable role. It is important to understand: Unless you are a trained counsellor or psychologist, as some group facilitators are, you are not a replacement for professional support.

Running a support group can be time consuming. In addition to group meetings, time is needed for preparation, taking phone calls and talking to people outside the group. This can take a lot of time and energy out of your private life.

Facilitation works best when shared, a group should have a team of at least two or three facilitators.

If you are suicide bereaved and facilitating a peer support group:

Know that lived experience gives your contribution a unique value.
Be kind to yourself.
You are not obligated to share aspects of your own story if you don’t want to or are unable to.
Be aware of triggers (things that remind you of your own grief and spark a reaction). You may wish to have a backup plan for how to cope with this type of situation.
Know how to acknowledge your own experience of grief and loss while listening to others' experiences.

Working with a co-facilitator

Support groups work best with two (or more) facilitators.

Advantages include:

You can support one another by checking in before a meeting and debriefing afterwards.
You can support one another while supporting others during meetings.
If one of you needs to accompany a group member outside, the other person can continue the meeting.
If one of you is unable to attend a meeting, another facilitator can take over.

Facilitating with another person requires effort by the facilitators to:

Be clear about each other’s role and who will do what.
Agree about the objective and purpose of the support group.
Get together to plan each meeting.
Get together after meetings to discuss issues that arose during the meeting and allow time to debrief.
Discuss differences, problems and tensions with each other (where needed).

Talking with co-facilitators before and after each meeting is highly recommended.

During a meeting – facilitation techniques and tips

Some general techniques you could use while facilitating a meeting include:

Guide discussion but don't take over – make sure your voice is not dominant.
Give everyone an opportunity to contribute if they want to, especially new members
Listen to everyone and acknowledge what they bring to the discussion.
Prompt discussions by encouraging members to build on what others have talked about. You could ask, “Has anyone else had a similar experience?” or “Would anyone else like to add to that?”
Step in and moderate if the group is experiencing conflict or having trouble moving on from a topic
Know how to help members if they need extra support after a meeting. Download and print our free Helplines Brochure PDF to have an up-to-date list of local and national helplines and organisations or services to offer group members.
Allow for silence and emotions – don't feel like you have to move the discussion along too quickly. Silence allows time for people to find their words or think about what has just been shared.

Everyone grieves differently. Our experiences of grief can be shaped by factors such as culture, ethnicity, faith, gender, sexuality and background. If your group is open to the general population, be mindful of the diversity that may exist among group members. Allow people the opportunity to express what grief means for them, in their own words.

Support groups for suicide loss: A handbook for Aotearoa New Zealand

Suicide bereavement groups

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