How you may feel
Learning that someone you care about has tried to end their life can bring up a range of emotions that can change over time. These reactions are normal.
Common emotions and reactions include shock, grief, confusion, hurt, anger, guilt and fear.
It’s also okay to feel scared or unsure about how to support someone. You might worry about saying or doing the wrong thing but simply showing you care and listening with empathy can make a meaningful difference. You may find our guide ‘How to have a safe and supportive kōrero’ helpful.
It can be difficult to support someone who has attempted suicide or who shares their suicidal thoughts with you. It’s important to look after yourself too. See below for self-care tips.
Talking to someone about their suicide attempt
The reasons why someone feels suicidal are complex. You may never know exactly how the person was feeling or what they were experiencing during their crisis. They may have felt alone, hopeless or a burden to the people in their life. But showing them compassion, understanding and patience as well as offering support can help them with their healing and recovery.
Read our guide on ‘How to talk safely about suicide’ for more information and helpful tips.
Having a conversation
If they’re ready to talk, focus on creating a safe space where the person feels understood, listened to and cared about.
Remember, you don't need to fix their problems. Just listen and show you care.
Ways to offer support
You don't need to have all the answers. Often just being there for the person can matter the most. These tips can help you support someone as they recover:
Sometimes people in distress may not want to talk about what's going on or seek support. While difficult to accept, this is their current choice. They may change their mind at some point. If you're worried for them and it's impacting your own wellbeing, please get support for yourself.
Worrying about another attempt
If someone you know has attempted suicide, you may worry about it happening again.
Support and care from strong connections with friends, whānau and community can significantly reduce the risk of suicide.
A person who attempts suicide, and who is still in pain, may attempt suicide again. Making an earlier suicide attempt is a very high-risk factor for another suicide attempt, so it’s vital they get the help they need to manage the thoughts and feelings that led to the earlier attempt.
If you think someone may be suicidal, ask them. It could save their life. Talking about suicide will not put the thought in their head. Visit our Suicide: worried about someone webpage for more information on behaviours and signs and how you can offer support. |
Safety Plan
A safety plan is a helpful tool that can keep someone safe when they’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or are going through tough times.
If the person has completed a personal safety plan, you may be listed as one of their support people. If so, ask if they’re comfortable sharing their plan with you, so you can offer the support they need.
If they don’t have a safety plan, ask if they would like your help to create one. Read our guide on ‘Supporting someone with their safety plan’ for more information.
| Research shows that having a personal safety plan can be useful to help manage feelings and emotions that may be overwhelming. It can also reduce the intensity of suicidal thoughts and increase people’s ability to cope with them. |
Build a support network
It’s important to have a support network in place. Remember, you don't need to do it all yourself and it’s okay to ask for and seek help, for both the person you’re supporting and yourself.
The support network could include a wide range of people, including kaumātua, cultural elders, religious leaders or community groups, as well as trusted friends and whānau. It might also include those who’ve been through similar experiences who can share their journey.
- Ask the person what kind of support they need, what works for them and who should be involved.
- Set boundaries for yourself and be clear with the person that you can't be the only one supporting them at this time.
- Encourage the person to also seek professional help.