Suicide: worried about someone?

• Listen to them. Acknowledge that you have heard what they have shared with you. 
• Invite them to keep talking with you, or someone they trust. 
• Ask them what they need to feel safe right now. 
• Be open to talking about suicide or other things that may be happening for them. It’s okay if you are not comfortable having these conversations, but you can help them find someone else who is. 
• Help them to understand that they don’t have to act on suicidal thoughts.  
• Let them know it’s okay to ask for help, and that they don’t have to fix everything by themselves or immediately.  
• Share that help is available, including via free helplines, and encourage them to seek support. 
• Help them to find and access the help they need from people they trust (e.g. friends, whānau, kaumātua, religious, community or cultural leaders, their GP or another health professional). You could help them contact or make an appointment with these supports. 
• Assist them to fill in a safety plan, where they can keep a record of how to keep themselves safe when experiencing worrying thoughts or feelings.  
• See our resources ‘Are you worried someone is thinking about suicide?’ and ‘How to have a safe and supportive kōrero’ for more information. 
• Avoid making assumptions about how the person is feeling. Let them tell you in their own words. Prompt them to share by asking “what are your thoughts about this?” 
• Be mindful of your body language. Give them your full attention. 

The person may not want to open up straight away but letting them know you are there for them is a big help. If the person is not comfortable talking with you, ask if there's someone else they would feel comfortable talking with.

 If the person reveals information or plans such as a suicide method or location, take them seriously. Seek help for them right away. Support the person to get help and stay with them (or make sure someone else is with them) until they get that help. Visit here for In Crisis support.

Never promise to keep someone's thoughts about suicide a secret.

Be honest about needing to get them extra support. Say: 

“I really want to get more help for you, so I need to share with others who can help us.” 
“It takes a lot of courage to share what you did. I want to support you to feel better.”  

If you take a general interest in how the person is doing and what’s important to them (without a specific agenda of ‘helping’ them) they will often be more likely to share their thoughts and feelings with you.  

To check-in on how someone’s doing, try starting the conversation with:  

• “It’s okay to talk with me about anything, and I mean that.”
• “I know there’s a lot going on for you right now…”  
• “Let's take time out, make a cuppa and have a chat.”
• “Do you want to go for a walk and talk?”
• “What can I do to help you feel supported?”
• “Do you have a health professional or service I can help you to contact?”
• “Do you want me to make an appointment for you to talk with someone?” 
• “I am here for you, and we can find people who can help you.”

If the person’s behaviour changes or you have a feeling that 'something’s not right', check in with the person and ask what's going on for them. They may need more support – see our Helplines page for more information. See our Safety Plan page for more tips on how to support someone. 

• Telling you or others they want to kill themselves. 
• Talking about feeling hopeless, or having no reason to live, or being a burden to others. 
• Expressing feelings of isolation, loneliness, hopelessness, or loss of self-esteem, or dwelling on problems. 
• Withdrawing from whānau, friends or colleagues.  
• Being unproductive, increasing absenteeism from work or school, or having difficulty completing tasks or focusing. 
• Showing changes in behaviour, such as restlessness, irritability, recklessness, or aggression, or having difficulty sleeping. 
• Displaying uncharacteristic anger. 
• Heavy use of alcohol or other substances. 
• Giving away possessions or pets, paying back debts or ‘tying up loose ends’ or suddenly buying life insurance. 
• Speaking about arranging end-of-life personal affairs, such as making a will or having concrete plans for suicide. 
• Suddenly seemingly calm or happy after being depressed or suicidal. 

Fact: Asking someone about suicide in a supportive way will not put the thought in their head. In fact, it may save their life. Talking about suicide with someone increases the likelihood that they will seek treatment.  

Fact: Talking about suicide can be a plea for help. Take it seriously if someone talks about feeling suicidal – be kind and supportive. Find out if they have a plan, and if they do, seek help right away.