Staying safe
“I didn’t know that life could be as good as it is. Sometimes I cry with gratitude at how much better it is now.” – Sam, 26
Heading home
Before you go home
When you’re ready and have the right support in place, you can return home.
Sometimes services are full and you may feel you’re being asked to return home when you don’t feel safe to do so. If you do not feel safe to return home, say so, and ask what other options are available. It can be helpful to write this information down so that you can refer to it again later.
Sometimes services are full and you may feel you’re being asked to return home when you don’t feel safe to do so. If you do not feel safe to return home, say so, and ask what other options are available. It can be helpful to write this information down so that you can refer to it again later.
Before you head home make sure you understand:
- What you can do to make it easier to get through the next few days (e.g. some small things you can do for yourself that help you to cope, like playing music, colouring, going for a walk or karakia).
- What supports are available and useful to you when you return home – write these down and make sure they’re easy for you to get to
- What you should do if you feel suicidal again – a kind of safety plan. You can download or order a free copy of our safety plan.
- Names and contact details for counsellors or other support services or helplines like 1737.
- Names and contact details for emergency services or your local mental health crisis team.
Safety plan
Many people find it is useful to prepare a safety plan. A safety plan is a series of steps that you follow if you start to feel suicidal again.
We have a safety plan you can use or your health professional may work with you to develop one. If you want to make your own, include:
We have a safety plan you can use or your health professional may work with you to develop one. If you want to make your own, include:
- Signs or triggers that tell you that you are becoming overwhelmed or suicidal.
- What helps: strategies that you can use to help get through those times when the urge to end your life is greatest. This can be a combination of distractions and things that make you feel a bit better, such as talking to a good friend, going for a walk, watching a movie, having dinner with your family or whānau, prayer or karakia, etc.
- What to avoid: for example, taking drugs and alcohol, being with people who stress you out
- People you can talk to when you are struggling. This might include family or whānau members, friends, as well as doctors, counsellors, kaumātua/kuia, community or religious leaders.
- Professional services to contact, including services that are available 24 hours a day, such as crisis telephone support services, hospitals and emergency services.
Health professional responses may differ
How a health professional responds to you will depend on their personal attitude towards suicide and their level of skill, confidence and comfort in responding to suicide attempts.
It may also change depending on how busy they are and how much support they have to spend time with you and listen to your concerns. Time pressures within the clinic or hospital may also affect the amount of time that they can spend with you.
Some people find it hard to talk about personal stuff – that’s OK, just tell the health professional that – it’s a great place to start!
Consider the advice the health professionals offer you, talk openly about any worries that you have, and ask questions so you fully understand your options for moving forward.
If you do not feel safe to return home, say so and ask what other options are available.
If you’re not happy with the care you receive, you’re entitled to complain. You may also like to find an advocate or peer support worker who can help ensure you are getting the right care and understand your rights.
It may also change depending on how busy they are and how much support they have to spend time with you and listen to your concerns. Time pressures within the clinic or hospital may also affect the amount of time that they can spend with you.
Some people find it hard to talk about personal stuff – that’s OK, just tell the health professional that – it’s a great place to start!
Consider the advice the health professionals offer you, talk openly about any worries that you have, and ask questions so you fully understand your options for moving forward.
If you do not feel safe to return home, say so and ask what other options are available.
If you’re not happy with the care you receive, you’re entitled to complain. You may also like to find an advocate or peer support worker who can help ensure you are getting the right care and understand your rights.
Your feelings
What you might be thinking or feeling
There is no right or wrong way to feel following a suicide attempt.
You can experience a range of feelings, and you might find these feelings can change quickly and unexpectedly.
You can experience a range of feelings, and you might find these feelings can change quickly and unexpectedly.
- You might feel exhausted, numb, remorseful or embarrassed. Or you might feel shame or guilt, worried about how your attempt has affected those around you.
- You might also feel angry about what has happened and find it hard to see any hope for the future.
- Alternatively you might be relieved and glad you have survived but unsure about what happens now.
There are no clear-cut answers but there are several things you can do to get through:
- Let other people help you where possible.
- If you live alone, consider asking someone you trust to stay with you until things settle down. Alternatively, you might prefer to stay at their home.
- Follow the advice of doctors and health professionals and take any medication they have prescribed.
- Try to establish a routine with sleeping, meals and exercise.
- Keep appointments with counsellors and doctors.
- Remove things in and around the house that you could harm yourself with.
- Keep the use of alcohol and drugs to a minimum and preferably avoid them altogether. They can impair your judgement and make you feel worse.
- If people are trying to be helpful, acknowledge and respond to them. Although you may still not be in a space to talk in any detail, let them know you will talk more when you feel ready.
- If people from your support network are not available and you feel worried, unsure or suicidal again, consider calling a helpline or support service.
- Make a safety plan.
Support for you
Look after yourself
Sometimes self-care can sound too small or simple – especially when your feelings are so big and overwhelming. While it’s just one part of your recovery it is an important one. Try some of the suggestions below, every day, for a few weeks and see how you feel.
Get some sleep, rest and exercise, and eat regularly.
- If you’re taking prescribed medicine (whether it is for a physical illness or a mental health problem), don’t stop taking it without talking to your doctor first.
- Take time off work or school if you need to. Your doctor can help arrange this.
- Keep a diary, or write a letter about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to send the letter. Writing things down can help you understand what you’re thinking or feeling, or how you’re reacting to situations. It can also help you find solutions to any problems you’re facing.
- Do things you find healing. Go for a massage or mirimiri.
- Express yourself in whatever way makes sense to you: sing waiata, take photos, dance, or draw.
- Learn how other people have got through this. Watch videos or read books. It really can help hearing other people talk about how they managed their feelings of wanting to die.
- Connect with areas of your life that give you a sense of meaning e.g. your friends, whānau, culture, spirituality, whatever you’re passionate about. Go to places that restore you. Swim in the ocean, go home to your marae, sit in a park under the trees.
- If you’re disconnected from your cultural identity, find a way to reconnect. If you don’t know where to start, ask someone you trust. For Māori, joining a kapa haka group or starting learning te reo can be good places to start.
- Reach out and find people who are like you, or who are going through similar things. If you’re questioning your sexuality or gender, or feeling isolated because of who you are, see below to find someone to talk to.
Looking after yourself
People supporting you – how to talk to them
Your friends and whānau may not know what to say or how to support you.
They’re probably worried about saying the wrong thing. Here are some ways you can connect with them and help them to help you:
They’re probably worried about saying the wrong thing. Here are some ways you can connect with them and help them to help you:
- Acknowledge and thank those who make contact, even if you’re not ready to talk.
- If you are unsure about what to say, thank them for their concern and let them know you are handling things as best as you can.
- If you find it comforting to have people with you then tell them that and ask them to stay with you.
- Consider sharing how you feel and seeking support from those you trust and who care about you.
You get to decide what you’re comfortable sharing or discussing – if someone only wants to talk about your suicide attempt, you can tell them this makes you upset or uncomfortable and tell them what you’d like to talk about instead.
If you can, be clear about what you need: For example:
“What I need is for you to listen to me without telling me what I need to do.” Or
“I’d really appreciate it if we could talk about other things at the moment. I just want to get my mind off it.”
How to use your support network – what other people can do for you, what to ask for
If you have friends, whānau, neighbours, colleagues or other people who want to help you, it can be useful to think about the help you need and what to ask for. This could include:
- Asking them to attend medical appointments with you and take notes for you to read over later.
- Asking them to call your school or workplace, share the information you’re comfortable sharing and arrange some time off.
- Helping you to access cultural support – such as connecting you with a kaumātua or kuia.
- Looking after your children.
- Helping with meals or house-cleaning.
- Support with accessing professional help (e.g. finding a free counsellor).
- Support with managing finances (e.g. they may be able to help you access support from Work and Income NZ if necessary).
- Helping you to remember to take your medication.
- Supporting you to exercise or spend time in nature.
- Doing things with you that you enjoy and find meaningful.
Returning to work and study
When you’re ready, returning to work or school is a big step toward recovery.
Before returning, it may be useful to talk to your manager, counsellor or teacher about:
Before returning, it may be useful to talk to your manager, counsellor or teacher about:
- flexible days or hours when you first return
- time-off to attend appointments
- initial reduced work or study load while you transition back
- flexible deadlines for work or study tasks
- identifying who else can support you at work or school.
If you don’t have close relationships with the people you work or study with you may not want to talk about what has happened; you might want to keep your personal and work/school life separate. However, letting someone know what’s happened and that you will need some help creates opportunities to receive additional support. It’s up to you whether this is the right choice for you.
By law, under the Human Rights Act, workplaces and teaching institutions are required to make reasonable adjustments to support people who have been or are unwell.
Before returning to either work or study, you may wish to get advice, or find out about your rights and/or what supports are available from services such as:
- your workplace’s human resources department
- the Employee Assistance Programme provider or Student Counselling Service
- the Human Rights Commission
- the Ministry of Business, Innovation & Employment.
Recovery & the future
The future
After a suicide attempt it can be hard to see what the future holds.
It might help to see this time as a turning point; an opportunity for you to find your way back. You will still have ups and downs. However, by focusing on the potential for change following your darkest times, and accepting the assistance of others, you can create opportunities that offer hope and direction for your future.
It might help to see this time as a turning point; an opportunity for you to find your way back. You will still have ups and downs. However, by focusing on the potential for change following your darkest times, and accepting the assistance of others, you can create opportunities that offer hope and direction for your future.
This online resource was developed by bringing together the wisdom and experiences of people affected by suicide and combining it with what we know to be helpful.
The people involved in the Beyond Blue project, Finding your way back, talked about suicide being a part of their past, but that it was not going to define their future. They wished the same for you, that you can look to the future with a sense of hope and take a step towards the life you want to live.
(Source: Finding your way back - a resource for people how have attempted suicide (adapted to include NZ law and terms) with kind permission from Beyond Blue).