A guide to starting a conversation about mental health

It could help to write down how you’ve been feeling. If you’re having trouble explaining it, you might find information online about what you're experiencing that you could show to the person you want to talk to. There’s information about lots of different mental health experiences on our Conditions page.

You should try to have this conversation somewhere you both feel comfortable. You might have your talk in a cafe, at home, on a walk, or on a drive. Make sure you have a good amount of time available to talk, so the conversation isn’t rushed.  

Before you start, it might help to ask them if they’re okay to talk about this. You could say something like, “There’s something I’m struggling with that I’d like to talk to you about – is that okay?”. Check in to make sure that person is in the right headspace and feels comfortable to discuss how you’re feeling.

It might feel hard to express how you’re feeling, especially if it’s not usually something you talk about. Try to be as clear as you can about what you’re feeling. It's okay if you get upset or cry when talking about this. It’s a brave thing to do.

When you’ve discussed what’s going on for you, it’s helpful to clarify how you’d like this person to help you, if at all. It’s okay if you just wanted to talk and be heard. If you do want support, you might ask them to help you contact a helpline, or your GP. You might want them to just check in on you more often. You might want them to provide practical support like cooking for you. Try to work out what feels helpful for you and achievable for them. 

You can also take this opportunity to thank the person for listening to you and being supportive.

Making mental wellbeing a regular topic of conversation means that it’s much easier for someone to feel comfortable about speaking up when they’re struggling. You might just check in on your loved ones whenever you catch up – ask them how they’ve been feeling lately, and share how you’re feeling too. Then if you are worried about someone, you’re already in a better place to talk about it together.

Ask yourself some questions to make sure you’re prepared for the conversation: 

Am I in the right headspace to have a conversation that may be upsetting? 

Am I able to genuinely listen? 

Can I give as much time as needed? 

Am I the right person to have this conversation? 

This could also be a good time to plan how you’re going to look after yourself following the conversation, if it does upset you.

You should try to have this conversation somewhere you both feel comfortable. You might have your talk in a cafe, at home, on a walk, or on a drive. Make sure you have a good amount of time available to talk, so the conversation isn’t rushed.

You can start the conversation naturally; you might do this by asking: 

“How are you feeling?” 

“What’s been happening for you lately?” 

“How’s life?” 

If you’re having trouble helping them to talk about their feelings, you can be more direct while still being kind. You might ask: 

“You don’t seem like yourself lately, is anything up?” 

“I’ve noticed you seem to be having a hard time recently. What’s been going on?”

The most important part of this conversation is to listen. If they get upset or angry, try to be calm and make sure they know you’re hearing them.  

Don’t downplay what they’re experiencing; acknowledge how hard things are feeling for them, and don’t use cliches like ‘you’ll get over it’.  

They’ve done something brave by opening up about their feelings – reassure them that they've done the right thing, and that you’re here to support them.

It’s possible that they won’t feel ready to talk to you. If that’s the case, make it clear you are there if they do want to talk, and try checking in again another time.  

The person you’re concerned about may already know what support they need, or they may want your help to work it out. You could ask: 

“What would help you manage?” 

“What else is happening for you at the moment?” 

“What can we change to make life easier?”  

Supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health shouldn’t be all on one person. The more trusted people in their life that can offer help, the better. You might offer to help them tell people about how they’ve been feeling, but you shouldn’t do this without their permission.

If they want to reach out to a helpline, their GP, or another health professional, you could stay with them while they make the phone call, or offer to check in with them afterwards.  

If they aren’t sure what support is available, you can learn about the options on Accessing Mental Health Services page, or the Helplines page.