Navigating social media

There is a growing number of reports from and about young people, who experience a disproportionate amount of harm online compared to other age groups (Netsafe, 2023).

Cyberbullying (or online bullying) is when a person uses digital technology, like a mobile phone or a computer, in a way that intends to harm another person or group. This includes sending nasty messages or images over text or via direct message on social media, or by posting or publishing untrue or harmful content or images.  

Online bullying can take place in many forms including: 

• Name calling.   
• Repeated unwanted messages.
• Spreading rumours or lies.
• Fake accounts used to harass people.
• Excluding people from social activities.
• Sharing of embarrassing pictures or videos.
• Creating fake profiles.

If your child tells you they are being bullied online or if you’ve seen or heard about texts, direct messages, posts or comments that you think may be upsetting them, it’s best to ask your child in a non-confronting way. 

You can support your child by:

• Staying composed. Let your child know it’s okay to talk about what’s going on. Listen to them. Try to respond calmly and let your child you’re there to help and support them.
• Taking a deep breath and evaluating the situation. Before you take any action, it’s important to understand what’s going on, how long it’s been happening (if it’s a one-off or if it’s been going on for a while) and who’s involved. This will help you with your response.
• Understanding how it is affecting your child. Let them know it’s okay to be upset, and that you understand how they must be feeling.  
• Not taking away their technology. Taking away your child’s device can alienate them from their most important support network – their peers.
• Encouraging them to use the features available on most social networking sites, like blocking and unfriending people and reporting content, if necessary. It’s a good idea to show them how to update privacy settings on social media – if you’re not sure how, visit the safety centres of the social media platforms they use.
• Working out a plan together. Contact Netsafe if you need help about what you can do. 

There can be many positive aspects to being online and using social media. It’s a great way to stay connected with friends and whānau, to interact with others from around the world who share similar interests, and to join causes or raise awareness about things that matter to you.

But there are also downsides to being online. If social media is not used properly or excessively, it can affect your mood, self-esteem, body image, mental health and sleep as well as distract you from schoolwork, your job or other connections or commitments.

Below are some tips for self-care while online:

• Unfollow or unfriend accounts that make you unhappy, lead to negative comparisons with your own life or make you feel bad about yourself. Likewise, if the content is toxic, triggering or hurtful to yourself or others.
• Talk about how you feel when something bad has happened to you online. Share how you are feeling with a whānau member or friend you trust or connect with someone through a helpline. It may not be easy to start the conversation but talking about what you’re thinking and feeling really helps.
• Take a break. Scrolling your social feeds may leave you feeling tired, stressed, isolated, anxious or irritated. Following disturbing or emotionally demanding topics may also leave you feeling drained. Turn off notifications, set time limits on apps and have time away from your screen. You could catch up with friends, spend time with whānau or do something you enjoy outdoors.  
• Find a way to let go of the hurt. It’s understandable to feel hurt, upset or angry when you are being bullied online, so it’s important to rebuild your confidence. You could try finishing the sentence “I feel......because.......”. Write as many different sentences as you can think of, then screw up the bits of paper and throw them away. You could also keep a diary or draw to help make sense of how you are feeling.
• If something’s made you angry online, try not respond back in anger. Instead, try to do something positive like blocking or reporting the person or unfollowing the page.   
• Avoid using your phone before bed, as this could be affecting your sleep and overall wellbeing.
• Try not to compare yourself and your life to others' highlight reels. Remember, people are not the version they show on social media; beauty filters and editing can give unrealistic expectations.
• Don’t ignore cyberbullying. Block the person or site, report the abuse to the platform and talk to someone you trust about it.  
• Follow accounts that make you feel good, bring you joy, give you hope or inspire you.
• And remember, your difference is a strength. Be your authentic self. Don't let anyone make you feel like you need to be someone else.

You may have sent a nude or intimate photo, video or text of yourself to someone, and they might share it with others without your consent. This is not your fault and understandably it can be very upsetting for you.

It’s important to remember that once you send or post an image it’s hard to control what happens to it, even when it’s an image that disappears (like on Snapchat) it can still be screenshot and shared without your permission or knowledge.

Think about the risks before you send any nude or intimate photos of yourself to someone. Keep in mind:

• Your relationship with them may change over time and they may use the image to hurt or embarrass you.  
• Sometimes people blackmail others into sending more nudes, by threatening to release the original nude if they don’t send more. This is often called “sextortion” by the police and the media.
• Even if you originally shared or made the images/video with someone consensually, it doesn’t mean you have consented to the content being shared to a wider group or publicly. If someone is sharing your nude images without your consent it may be an offence under New Zealand law.
• Once sexual images are shared it is known as image-based abuse which covers things like revenge porn. It can also be an offence under the Harmful Digital Communications Act and potentially other Acts.

If you’ve sent an image to someone and now regret it, it’s best to contact the person and ask them to delete it.

• If nude or nearly nude images or video of you has been shared without your consent, you can:
• Screenshot the content if possible and make a record of where the content is (capture any URLs if you can).
• Report the content to the social media platform or website that it was shared on and request the content is removed.
• Report the profile or account of the person who shared your content to the platform it was shared on.
• Contact Netsafe to find out what else you can do. They may be able to help you get the content removed, talk through other options and let you know what you can do if someone is threatening to share nude images/videos of you or blackmailing you.
• If you are feeling confident to undertake the process of reporting and removing your image online you can contact Take It Down directly. Netsafe can also help you with this process.
• If you’re feeling stressed or worried, it’s best to talk to someone you trust or contact a support service like 1737,  Youthline or Lifeline.

It can also be upsetting to receive a nude image you haven't asked for. If possible, and safe to do so, try talking to the person who sent it and ask them to stop sending you inappropriate pictures. You can also report the content or block the person from contacting you again.

For more information visit NetSafe