Looking after yourself if Christmas feels hard

Most of us have some supportive connections in our lives – whether with whānau, friends, neighbours or colleagues. Even if you feel like you have no-one, there are ways to connect with people during Christmas.

• Spend time with other people who may be lonely or just want to chat; you could volunteer at a foodbank or care home.  
• Attend a local community event or join a community group. There are always events around Christmas for people seeking community, which you could find through Facebook or an event directory. Although some community groups (sports clubs, choirs, book clubs, etc.) may pause over the festive season, joining one beforehand and knowing you can look forward to returning after the break might also be helpful. Neighbourhood NZ is a good example of a community group (based all over Aotearoa New Zealand) for adults seeking new friendships.  
• Arrange phone calls or video calls with loved ones who live far away. You can find ways to connect even if you’re not together in person; make sure you set aside dates to call so that you know you’ll have dedicated time to talk.  
• Find ways to manage your feelings of loneliness. Read Mind UK’s article on loneliness for more information.  

The social demands around Christmas tend to be a lot higher than usual and it’s okay if you feel overwhelmed. There are ways to create boundaries and look after yourself while still enjoying the festivities. 

• Take time to be alone and re-charge; even if you’re staying with family, you should be able to find time each day to be alone. You might go for a walk and listen to music.  
• Do things that you know bring you peace and comfort – read a book you love, go for swims in the sea, call a friend on the phone. If you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, it really helps to continue doing things that build up your wellbeing. 
• Stay present. It can feel easier to cope with anxiety by withdrawing or shutting down your feelings. You could take a moment for yourself and try the 5 senses grounding exercise, or another mindful exercise that works for you, until you’re feeling more present and less absorbed by your anxiety.  
• Prioritise – if there are social occasions that are really important to you, or that you know you really have to attend, try to reduce your other obligations around those days.  
• Leave if you need to. It’s very unlikely that the event you’re at is more important than looking after your wellbeing. If you’re feeling uphappy or uncomfortable head home or take a break from the event, knowing that you’re doing what is best for you and your mental health.  

• Give yourself permission to grieve – try to free yourself from the expectations that Christmas should be a perfectly happy time.  
• Let the people around you know that you are feeling your grief particularly strongly, and that you’d appreciate their support in accepting and managing this.  
• Remember the person you have lost; you might create a new tradition to honour them, like adding their photo to the Christmas tree. Taking time to acknowledge your loved one might help you to feel like they are still part of Christmas even if they can’t be there with you.  
• Make sure you have plans to see friends and whānau. Feeling connected to the people you love – and people who also loved the person you have lost – will help you to cope with the grief you’re feeling.  

Christmas can be an expensive time. You may feel an expectation to host an elaborate celebration or to gift expensive presents. In reality, most of us feel that our best Christmases have been spent connecting with people that we love, being out in nature – the free stuff! 

• Start by making a budget that works for your situation, and a plan for the season ahead. This will help you to have realistic expectations about what you can do over Christmas and give you more certainty about your finances.  
• Take advantage of free stuff – there are plenty of free communtiy Christmas events. You could also use community ‘free stuff’ Facebook groups to find gifts.  
• Change your approach to gift-giving. You might give an experience-based gift – like offering to accompany someone on a hike – or make them a gift, like a personalised playlist. A gift doesn’t have to cost anything. Your presence is the best present.

For more advice, read our wellbeing tips for managing financial stress.

• Try to retain as much of your routine as you can; even if you’re not going to work that day, you might still choose to wake up at the same time and get yourself ready for the day ahead. 
• Make a list of the places you normally go each week and what their Christmas opening hours are. You might need to call them to find out, or you may be able to find the information on their social media pages. This means you'll be prepared, knowing which days shops and services will be available, and you can plan ahead with this in mind.  
• If you experience anxiety or panic attacks, write down the coping mechanisms that usually work best for you. That way even if you’re feeling a bit scrambled by the changes to your routine, you know you have tools available to cope with difficult feelings. 

If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts over the festive season, many services are still open and available to help you. All the services on our crisis page are open 365 days a year - please see our crisis page for more information.  

Call 111 if you, or someone else, is in immediate physical danger. Or contact your regional mental health crisis team - visit mentalhealth.org.nz/help for contact details. 

No matter what you’re struggling with at this time of year, there is a way forward. Reaching out to chat to someone you trust is always a good first step. Prioritising your wellbeing and the things that give you strength, happiness and stability, will help you to have a better Christmas.