Staying safe
“I didn’t know that life could be as good as it is. Sometimes I cry with gratitude at how much better it is now.” – Sam, 26
Heading home
Before you go home
Sometimes services are full and you may feel you’re being asked to return home when you don’t feel safe to do so. If you do not feel safe to return home, say so, and ask what other options are available. It can be helpful to write this information down so that you can refer to it again later.
Before you head home make sure you understand:
- What you can do to make it easier to get through the next few days (e.g. some small things you can do for yourself that help you to cope, like playing music, colouring, going for a walk or karakia).
- What supports are available and useful to you when you return home – write these down and make sure they’re easy for you to get to
- What you should do if you feel suicidal again – a kind of safety plan. You can download or order a free copy of our safety plan.
- Names and contact details for counsellors or other support services or helplines like 1737.
- Names and contact details for emergency services or your local mental health crisis team.
Health professional responses may differ
It may also change depending on how busy they are and how much support they have to spend time with you and listen to your concerns. Time pressures within the clinic or hospital may also affect the amount of time that they can spend with you.
Some people find it hard to talk about personal stuff – that’s OK, just tell the health professional that – it’s a great place to start!
Consider the advice the health professionals offer you, talk openly about any worries that you have, and ask questions so you fully understand your options for moving forward.
If you do not feel safe to return home, say so and ask what other options are available.
If you’re not happy with the care you receive, you’re entitled to complain. You may also like to find an advocate or peer support worker who can help ensure you are getting the right care and understand your rights.
Your feelings
What you might be thinking or feeling
You can experience a range of feelings, and you might find these feelings can change quickly and unexpectedly.
- You might feel exhausted, numb, remorseful or embarrassed. Or you might feel shame or guilt, worried about how your attempt has affected those around you.
- You might also feel angry about what has happened and find it hard to see any hope for the future.
- Alternatively you might be relieved and glad you have survived but unsure about what happens now.
- Let other people help you where possible.
- If you live alone, consider asking someone you trust to stay with you until things settle down. Alternatively, you might prefer to stay at their home.
- Follow the advice of doctors and health professionals and take any medication they have prescribed.
- Try to establish a routine with sleeping, meals and exercise.
- Keep appointments with counsellors and doctors.
- Remove things in and around the house that you could harm yourself with.
- Keep the use of alcohol and drugs to a minimum and preferably avoid them altogether. They can impair your judgement and make you feel worse.
- If people are trying to be helpful, acknowledge and respond to them. Although you may still not be in a space to talk in any detail, let them know you will talk more when you feel ready.
- If people from your support network are not available and you feel worried, unsure or suicidal again, consider calling a helpline or support service.
- Make a safety plan.
Support for you
People supporting you – how to talk to them
They’re probably worried about saying the wrong thing. Here are some ways you can connect with them and help them to help you:
- Acknowledge and thank those who make contact, even if you’re not ready to talk.
- If you are unsure about what to say, thank them for their concern and let them know you are handling things as best as you can.
- If you find it comforting to have people with you then tell them that and ask them to stay with you.
- Consider sharing how you feel and seeking support from those you trust and who care about you.
You get to decide what you’re comfortable sharing or discussing – if someone only wants to talk about your suicide attempt, you can tell them this makes you upset or uncomfortable and tell them what you’d like to talk about instead.
If you can, be clear about what you need: For example:
“What I need is for you to listen to me without telling me what I need to do.” Or
“I’d really appreciate it if we could talk about other things at the moment. I just want to get my mind off it.”
How to use your support network – what other people can do for you, what to ask for
- Asking them to attend medical appointments with you and take notes for you to read over later.
- Asking them to call your school or workplace, share the information you’re comfortable sharing and arrange some time off.
- Helping you to access cultural support – such as connecting you with a kaumātua or kuia.
- Looking after your children.
- Helping with meals or house-cleaning.
- Support with accessing professional help (e.g. finding a free counsellor).
- Support with managing finances (e.g. they may be able to help you access support from Work and Income NZ if necessary).
- Helping you to remember to take your medication.
- Supporting you to exercise or spend time in nature.
- Doing things with you that you enjoy and find meaningful.
Returning to work and study
Before returning, it may be useful to talk to your manager, counsellor or teacher about:
- flexible days or hours when you first return
- time-off to attend appointments
- initial reduced work or study load while you transition back
- flexible deadlines for work or study tasks
- identifying who else can support you at work or school.
If you don’t have close relationships with the people you work or study with you may not want to talk about what has happened; you might want to keep your personal and work/school life separate. However, letting someone know what’s happened and that you will need some help creates opportunities to receive additional support. It’s up to you whether this is the right choice for you.
By law, under the Human Rights Act, workplaces and teaching institutions are required to make reasonable adjustments to support people who have been or are unwell.
Before returning to either work or study, you may wish to get advice, or find out about your rights and/or what supports are available from services such as:
- your workplace’s human resources department
- the Employee Assistance Programme provider or Student Counselling Service
- the Human Rights Commission
- the Ministry of Business, Innovation & Employment.
Recovery & the future
The future
It might help to see this time as a turning point; an opportunity for you to find your way back. You will still have ups and downs. However, by focusing on the potential for change following your darkest times, and accepting the assistance of others, you can create opportunities that offer hope and direction for your future.
This online resource was developed by bringing together the wisdom and experiences of people affected by suicide and combining it with what we know to be helpful.
The people involved in the Beyond Blue project, Finding your way back, talked about suicide being a part of their past, but that it was not going to define their future. They wished the same for you, that you can look to the future with a sense of hope and take a step towards the life you want to live.
(Source: Finding your way back - a resource for people how have attempted suicide (adapted to include NZ law and terms) with kind permission from Beyond Blue).